Gay marriage is receiving a lot of media attention as the battle for legalizing same-sex marriage in Wisconsin continues. This is a sensitive and emotional issue. I've already had several of our partners at St. Mark ask me what they should do or say to their gay friend or family member who is married or seeking to be married.
The words of the apostle Paul in Ephesians chapter 5 listed above are very fitting. Paul wrote, "Be very careful how you live...making the most of every opportunity." Whether you realize it or not this gay marriage issue is an opportunity. It's an opportunity to point your friend or family member to Jesus. Jesus is the One who changes hearts, not a law banning same-sex marriage.
First, we need to understand that a gay relationship involves sexual sin. God clearly condemns homosexuality as a sexual sin, just like he condemns lust or adultery in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:26-28. Sin is sin in God's eyes and something from which we need to repent. Unrepentant sin has only one end, eternal death (James 1:13-15). That's true for me just as much as my gay friend or family member. I need to repent of my sins as Paul said, "Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise, but as wise." It's unwise to live in unrepentant sin. Love leads me to share this truth with my friend living in a gay relationship.
Second, we need to remember that Paul advises us to "make the most of every opportunity." So when the issue comes up between our gay friend or family member, we can't be silent. We need to speak the truth in love, yet always keep in mind what James said in James 1:19, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." Because this is such an emotional issue, it's easy to become angry. Don't. Strive to view your friend through the eyes of Jesus. Remember, Jesus lived perfectly, died innocently and rose victoriously so that everyone's sins are forgiven (John 3:16)! Our goal in making the most of every opportunity is not to win the argument, but to win a person's heart back to Jesus.
Third, there is no place for a holier than thou attitude. All of us are sinful and need Jesus just as much as our LGBTQ friend or family member. We are just as broken as they are. We need Jesus and the forgiveness He brings. When it comes to what to say to someone living in sexual sin that's where I begin. I acknowledge my brokenness and then confess my faith in Jesus. I then share the peace that Jesus brings. Where the conversation goes from there is up to you and the Holy Spirit, but I always begin with my brokenness and my need for Jesus.
Fourth, we don't want to give the impression that we are okay with a sinful lifestyle. There may come a time in your relationship with your gay friend or family member when you have to establish boundaries as a loving witness to them that you are not in agreement with their lifestyle. What this looks like depends on the situation. For example, one person I advised that perhaps she would not go to her gay family member's house for a family function until her family member repents. That's just one example of what a boundary might look like. The key is to lovingly clarify with your gay friend or family member what you cannot and will not accept and why you at the same time desire to maintain a relationship. This will look different depending on your situation.
Every situation requires lots of prayer and lots of love. Ask God to work miracles. Ask God to fill you with wisdom from the Holy Spirit and a desire to speak the truth in love. Ask God to give you the right words to say when the opportunity arises. He won't let you down. Ask Jesus to give you a loving heart that views your gay friend or family member through His eyes, as someone for whom He died and whom He earnestly wants in heaven some day. Ask Jesus to change your friend or family member's heart. Remember, the pressure is ultimately on God, not you, just as the power is His, not yours or mine.
I'm interested in hearing from you what you think about this sensitive topic and how to handle it. Here's a LINK to the latest poll that shows the change in attitude regarding same sex marriage. Regardless of what popular opinion says, we know what God says. Let's resolve to listen well, love well and speak the truth in love.
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