“Grief and loss will transform us or destroy us, but it will never leave us the same.” -Peter Scazzero in The Emotionally Healthy Church
In prosperous North America, our
issue developing is that we don’t have the ability to face pain. We spend too much time trying to get
our own way, get life just right and then keep everything as it is. When loss
enters we become angry with God and treat the loss as a crazy alien from outer
space. But what happens to us is the norm and not the exception of living in
the ‘real’ world. Loss is the norm of
life, not the exception. It is possible to live through it and even grow
from it but only by the grace and power of God. At the funeral of a friend, Jesus
shows us how. (Read John 11:1-16)
In John 11 Mary and Martha’s
brother Lazarus was so sick that they called Jesus away from his ministry to
come and help. Jesus had dined at the house of these women, reclined at their
table, and was their friend. Jesus loved them but he didn’t answer their prayer
right away.
Jesus knew, according to Verse 4, that this sickness will not end in death but it
will be for God’s glory. Jesus is confident in his Fathers will as he
walked with the light of his Fathers plan. He is not ignoring the issue as it
may first appear – he does tell his disciples he will go and wake up Lazarus
but according to his Father’s time frame. Here we find the first key to
embracing grieving and loss: Step back a moment, Pay attention to God’s (revealed) bigger plan (Jesus obviously having a
bit more insight here) and pay attention to the issue causing you grief. He
didn’t ignore it or pretend it didn’t happen. At the proper time faced what was
grieving him. (Read - John 11:17-37)
This is a glimpse at the tender
heart of our Savior. At the grave of his friend, even while trusting his
Father’s plan perfectly he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled and Jesus
wept. Jesus could have just medicated his pain to make it go away with: alcohol
or drugs, he could have thrown himself at his work (he had plenty to do), he
could have gone shopping, went on a food binge, been too busy to go to the tomb,
he could have filled the hole of the emotional loss of a friend with sexual
escapades – Jesus could have done anything else to medicate the pain of life. He
could have easily said at Lazarus’ tomb, “Get a grip, get over it, stop all the
moaning, I got this.” Instead he paid attention to his very real human
condition that needed to grieve loss. It is not a sin to cry. It does not mean you’re
less stable but may actually mean that you’re becoming crafted into more of a godly
person than you were before.
Jesus expressed prayer with cries
and tears. Jesus came to engage life fully and not to escape its reality and so
he even experienced a funeral of a friend who seemed to be taken too soon. He
paid attention to God’s plan and also his real need to mourn. He was able to do this because he took
the time to wait in the confusing
in-between. Even though Jesus was only 2 miles away he waited at least 4
days to come to see Lazarus and Mary and Martha. There were at least 4 days for
Jesus to ponder, grieve, raise self doubt, and have a change in reaction. The
waiting during the confusing in-between was significant for Jesus and his
disciples and also for us. It teaches us to take the time while paying
attention to grief to actually mourn, cry, and be moved inside. If Jesus Christ
can do that you too have permission to let the grief and loss in. The time
between is when we are forced against our will to wait. It sometimes means
years. Don’t rebel or despair but embrace the gift of waiting. Wait in the
confusing in-between of mourning and establishing a new normal to see how God
is shaping you. (Read – John 11:38-44)
In tragedy, sadness, extreme loss
Jesus lifts his head in prayer and allowed
the old to birth something new. When you release whatever you are grieving
about into the hands of God it is amazing what God can do with it. You don’t
receive what you had before. You can never go back. Life will be different.
Painful memories don’t really ever become forgotten memories but the old births
something new by the grace of God. Through this account of Lazarus, Jesus shows
his power over death. Here is tangible proof that Jesus is who he said he is.
Many were brought to faith in God. Ironically this miracle also led some Jewish
leaders to begin their plotting and planning to kill Jesus (John 11:45-52) –
which was part of God’s plan to get Jesus to the cross to pay for our sins and
conquer the grave by rising from the dead. All that good from what at the
beginning seemed like some more of the garbage life throws at us.
This final piece of the account
reminds me of a good ol’ compost pile. When you cover through the smelly banana
peels, rotten tomatoes, and wretched leftovers with dirt you wait long enough, the
garbage will actually start to smell wonderful and through the compost fertile
soil is produced that provides fruits and vegetables. In our own life, in the
grief we face, we too can allow the old to birth something new. Sometimes it takes years. God
transforms evil into good even through grief and pain.
How might God be shaping you through pain and loss?
Can what seems painful and bad still be considered good?
-Pastor Eric Hansen, Discipleship Pastor
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